back to the abyss

If I had to try to describe the last two weeks in a single word I would say, “trying”. For whatever reason my back decided to get worse about two weeks ago, so I determined to go to the doctor again. He told me that sciatica can take up to 3 months to heal in severe cases. It has been 6 weeks for me. He did a couple quick tests and said it doesn’t seem like there is any really serious damage, and that it seemed like I had two herniated disks, but he couldn’t be sure without an MRI. He said if it isn’t better in 3,4 weeks come back and we’d make an appointment for the MRI. I also started seeing a chiropractor a couple times a week. I still haven’t determined if it is helping yet. Anyway, as a result I really haven’t been doing much of anything besides trying to rest…which is the absolute hardest part of the whole ordeal. There is so much I want to get started with. I can’t even do much studying because sitting is one of the worst things for my back.

Nevertheless, I’ve learned that God has a plan for everything that happens in our lives. I have pretty much always taken for granted that God gifted me with a strong body. Honestly I never considered the possibility that I would my physical abilities. So, these last few weeks have really cause me to think. Do I trust God with my whole life? Yes I trust Him with my eternal destiny, my finances, my physical circumstances, and so many other things…but do I trust that whatever He causes or allows in my life He allows because He is GOOD. I mean, if He decided to break my body and take my health from me would I still trust and serve Him? Not that I am being pessimistic about my situation, just saying What If. I had been thinking about this for a few days, and a couple days ago settled in my heart that “Lord, I am yours. If you make me a cripple, if you take everything from me, if you slay me I will praise you. I will serve you however YOU want me to serve you, no matter what that is”. After that I went to sleep with an overwhelming sense of peace. Well, less than two hours later the conviction of my dedication was tested. I woke up feeling very sick and started vomiting violently (for the first time in 12 years). I couldn’t go 10 minutes without throwing up. This continued for about two days. I am feeling a lot better now. You know what is strange about the whole event? Despite the fact that vomiting is probably the thing I hate and dread most in this life, the peace God gave me that night did not waiver. I did not question His Goodness or Providence in all that happened.

Sometimes we forget just how amazing, gracious, merciful, and good our God is. I am glad that he has taught me (and continues to teach me) to say like Job, “though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him”.

I had a cool picture to post, but the internet cafe is being picky...

pictures

This is fr0m a village in Syria where they still speak biblical Aramic. I think it is one of the last places in the world. Aramic is actually really close to Arabic, so I could understand a fair amount.

A view of the Crusader castle from the top. It is a HUGE place

This is the secondary wall. The castle is basically built out of the mountain, and then there is a second fortified wall (shown here), and inside there is another wall. I can't imagine trying to storm this place.


A Moat! so cool! just like out of the books and movies. The moat also provided water through a system of aquaducts.

This is one of Damascus' famous covered markets places. This one is called Suq al-hamadiyya. It kinda makes you feel like you are in Aladdin.
The outer wall of Old Damascus

Lebanon! and snow. Lebanon has snow in the mountain until about the end of March. If my back was in better condition I would be tempted to go up for a day and play around.

The kids eating lunch. The younger ones are the ones I am taking care of. There are 10 of them and their ages range from 5 - 10 years old.

to the abyss and back

The past month has caused me to start to doubt my faith in physics. According to the laws of special relativity Time is supposed to go slower as you approach the center of a gravitating body (i.e. the Earth). Now, since the earth is an oblate spheroid the equatorial regions of the earth (like the Middle East) are actually closer to the center of the earth than the northern and southern extremeties. Moreover, cities at sea level (like Beirut) are likewise closer to the earth’s center. However, despite all of this I think that time has actually sped up. I don’t think I have even notice the last three weeks (I guess my ability to notice pico-second variations needs work).
P.S. if you understood this you are in danger of becoming a nerd (take care!). If you in any way thought it was comical or entertaining you are already infected (don’t go to any doctor, there is no cure). If you think this is all dumb and I am wasting your time, you are safe from the nerd bug.

OK, enough of that. But seriously, this has been a crazy last few weeks. I got everything taken care of in Jordan, finished my nanotechnology research paper, and said goodbye to my friends. It was a little difficult to say goodbye to people I have known there for the last 14 months. Jordan is the longest place I have stayed in the last 3 years…so it was something like home, or the closest thing I might have in this life. Part of me kinda actually wish that it would have been harder to leave, emotionally I mean. The fact that I can just pick up and go without shedding tears or being emotionally torn kind of makes me feel like I have lost something of my humanity. Is it normal to feel like you have no attachment to one specific place in this world, no homeland, no place you call your own? I know the answer to that question…and yet while I feel a strange uneasiness in my lack of sadness in being a nomad, at the same time I feel a unique sense of freedom and peace, knowing that I am where God wants me, and that He is with me. This suffices me.

A friend of mine offered to take me to Lebanon with his car. Of course that offer required that I pay all the expenses, which after accommodation, food, taxes, fees, and bribes turned out to be about 300$. I met up with another friend in Damascus and we spent three days in Syria. I got to see old Damascus, which is pretty amazing. We saw 1,500 year old markets, 2,500 year old ruins, and 2,000 year old streets (including the street that is called Straight). We spent a day and a half driving to some sites of interest. Probably the coolest was a huge crusader castle near the Syria coast. It is the largest crusader castle in the middle east, and was the last bastion of the Crusaders before their final retreat back to Europe. You cannot imagine how big this place is. It reminded me a lot of Helm’s Deep. It was designed to hold 1,500 to 2,000 soldiers, and was considered nearly impenetrable. Syria is definitely a neat country, and has a friendly, more open culture than Jordan, which kind of surprised me. Nevertheless, politics is different, and we were followed and watched by secret police a number of times.

I made it to Lebanon a little over a week ago and things have been non-stop. After dropping my stuff off at a friends place I went and spent a couple days down in Tyre where there are some people I know trying to start some kind of ministry and humanitarian aid projects with a refugee camp there. One of the guys I met there is a fisherman. I told him I used to be a fisherman too, and that I would love to go out and go fishing with him some time. He agreed…that will be so COOL. I also have some other friends who are involved in a orphanage/home for abused kids just outside of Beirut. As it turns out, they are in dire need of volunteers, so after a bit of consideration and prayer I decided to move in. They give me free room and board. The kids aren’t allowed to go to school so pretty much I am helping take care of the kids. Most of them are pretty good kids, they just have really difficult circumstances. Twice a week I take them to church (or as many as I can fit in the church van).

Well, that about covers the major points. I was hoping to be able to play more sports living here in Lebanon, however my pinched sciatic nerve is still putting a crimp on any kind of real physical activity. I’ve even been taking it easy, for the most part…I might be going to the doctor again if it’s not better soon.

Sorry I can’t put up any pictures right now. Right now the only internet that is easily accessible is dial-up (yeah, that’s right dial-up still exists), and I don’t feel like waiting 2 hours to upload the pictures. I'll put them up when I can. If you want to check out the castle I think it is called 'Crac de Chavaliers'.

unclear victory

Well, I got a phone call this morning from a friend telling me to look outside cause it was snowing. It was sort of snowing...you know that really wet snow that somehow manages to form into snow flakes and turn the ground into a mess of slush. Well that is what it was. It lasted for all of about 30 minutes. I guess officially it was snow.
Also I went to the doctor after all my friends bugging me to go and get checked out. It basically went as I expected. I told him all the symptoms and that I was 95% sure it was the sciatic nerve. He said it sounded right, told me to rest (yeah right), ice the back, and take anti-inflammatory drugs. I guess I will try to take it easy, although its not the easiest thing to do when you are moving to a new country.

Anyway, that's all I've got to say about that